Good Morning Octavia,
I seem to be going through a washing machine cycle, wash, spin, wash, spin, meaning, I have days of utter lostness, no desires, no motivations, no well, just blankness, no joy, etc. then a couple days ago, most of the day was a blissful contented peace and love, all is right with the world. I experience deep fear and anxiety on occasion around money as looking for work and it is like I am invisible, was selling reclaimed hardwoods and one by one each job fell through. (story I know)
Also, tried selling my art everyone says how beautiful and no sales, no money coming in, may get a job at a retail place but may have to get a 2nd job to make enough money. Obviously I have a block around money (the conditioned one does) I just feel no desire toward anything. The energy runs pretty strong constantly 24/7. When the fear takes place I still myself and feel it but don’t name it or try to cling to it and let it pass through it was after that that the peace and joy happened a few hours later.
Mornings are very difficult as the energy is so strong in my head, it is hard to concentrate.
I know that you will have poignant and truthful words for me as I keep the prior email messages you send out.
Contrary to what it may seem – all this that is happening is a very good sign! It seems you are experiencing the next phase of being brought Home.
Having no desires and blankness is perfectly normal at certain points in our unfoldment. It is Life’s way of showing us the instability and impermanence of relying on “human” channels, in the known of the visible, material world, instead of in the unknown Infinite Invisible.
This is a very necessary purification process of the Soul, that is asking us, who do we believe we are? Are we a separate self who thinks it is dependent on the ways and laws of an illusory world, or are we Pure Awareness, Mighty Being itself, in which all of these stories play out in? As we know, All appearances of lack or limitation are merely false beliefs superimposed on the brain from the images the senses are collecting when we are choosing to identify as this “separated self”.
Your faith and trust in the Allness and Perfection of God as your True Identity, is being tested. When our joy and feeling of oneness is seemingly taken from us, it is helpful to realize that it is Spirit showing us that we must become empty, totally empty of our sensations of God and our concepts of God. Because, the Truth of Being is completely void of finite thought and idea.
The thing to do is to stop and be still, then listen and soften and allow. Then and only then, can the trust and acceptance, love and surrender begin to emerge.
Spend as much time in Silence as you can, because listening becomes a very important activity at this time – listening for what Love is saying, in that still small voice. We know what the voice of fear sounds like, and we know how it feels in our body – tightness, heat, etc. So in really paying attention to how we feel, we can start to get a sense of where we are acting from, and therefore whether to take steps, or whether to just allow – to LET whatever needs to happen, happen. Actually, when we are consciously living in Truth, we are always letting, even when we appear outwardly to be taking steps.
Life may be moving you into something totally new, or it may be strengthening your abiding in the Truth of your current situation. I will say that as our vibration rises, some of the old ways aren’t a match any more, and so it is inevitable that “changes” of one kind or another must occur.
I can’t stress the importance enough, of staying as calm and relaxed as possible through these times, especially when the energy gets strong, like you were saying. Don’t try to force concentration – again, just LET. Spirit can’t do its work through us if our consciousness is agitated. And as you know, resistance just makes the discord seem more real.
It is all Good and it is exactly the way it is supposed to be…but be alert to how the mind might try to distract you with its interpretation or explanation – only the Heart Knows!
Blessings and Much Love,
I have noticed how much more sensitive I have become although I was sensitive before, now seeing stories on FB and even when interacting with people, how much I want to give service to them, how simple commercials, happy or sad can bring tears to my eyes or make me a blubbering mess. There is this deep feeling, expression or hard to define it, that just wants to smother everything and everyone in this Love, this perfect peace, perfect stillness.
In this awareness, I watch the ego conditioned mind harping on me like a scolding mother, income, income, job, job, move, move, etc. etc, which creates a felt contraction in the solar plexus, the signaling alarm that shows I have started to identify with a false story/ego. The spaciousness holds it in awareness, gently watching tenderly as it dissipates.
My spine, heart and back are especially being treated to a beautiful bliss bath, estatically so.